Monday, July 24, 2006

Desperately Seeking Something

Ever since adding the webstats info to Before My Eyes, I've been able to see who's referring to me (thanks China Blue!).

And, okay, hardly anybody is visiting. And those that are, ain't staying long.

So while I spend a little time contemplating the point of all this nonsense, trying to figure out how to reach my target audience of media nerds, I wanted to share with you a few of the Goggle searches that have led to this under-updated corner of cyberspace.

When people pop over from a Google link, the system takes note of what was searched for. Some of these make me proud:

"Russell T Davies" Bleasdale GBH
GBH with Michael Palin, Robert Lindsay
gbh lindsay palin convention


Excellent. Want to read about one of TV's best ever drama? Come to Behind Closed Eyes for review and opinion. Splendid. There was also one where 'Bleasdale' was spelt with an extra E in the middle - which got here thanks to my own typo (now corrected) in the middle of this item.

The Dead Man's Chest piece also did okay...so long as you knew the name of the wacky pirate with one eye played by that bloke from 'The Office', or have no idea how to use apostrophes:

ragetti eye
ragetti temptation quotes
real live kracken's
ted elliott pirates interview waffle


I especially like the 'waffle' there. Going out on a limb, chances are they weren't expecting Ted Elliot, co-writer of the Pirates films, to be discussing waffles. So they were searching, I guess, for him waffling on about the movie. Which is an unlikely, but charmingly literal, way to Google.

Meanwhile, there have been quite a few of these:

emma caulfield fhm

Presumably a disappointment when they find that this is actually something of a piss-take.

On the other hand, I love that someone searched for this:

"i miss you,and the way we used to be"

One of my more self-indulgent posts, there. Nice that somebody found it.

Specific blog searchers, meanwhile, have been decidedly on-topic:

superman returns box office
"doctor who" doomsday


Good for them. And I choose to think that the Googlers who went for variants of "hard candy 2" trailer were a) appreciating the irony of this piece when it came to unnecessary sequels, and b) not ACTUALLY looking for a sequel to Digital Playground's hardcore porn film Hard Candy. (A Robby D video, currently one of the most over-productive and generally mediocre rude film directors currently working.)

Still, my inner demons suggests that my optimism misplaced. Partly because it's the internet, and you just expect a bit of sleaze. Partly because this site isn't exactly afraid to talk naughtiness on DVD, and like attracts like.

And partly because, on a separate occasion, one Google search led to my site with these words:

young 13 year old hotties

Gulp, frankly. Dude, whoever you are, go away.

I console myself with the fact that I came up 19th in the search. (Which begs the question - why'd he come here, surely one of the first 18 options provided the sicko with what he wanted?) I hate to be judgmental, but there aren't a lot of ways that search can be misinterpreted, are there?

Look, hey, I can Google porn for my country. And we all have our own proclivities. But seriously, dude, go away, don't come back. Get help.

The rest of you - any advice on getting myself noticed would be appreciated. I'm willing to do anything short of removing clothing in public or eating broccoli.

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Additional: Yes, I am very much aware of the irony that, with that hotties line included in a post, I've just set myself up for MORE visits from Googling paedos. Like I said, I need the ratings.

5 Comments:

At Fri Jul 28, 10:14:00 am, Blogger China Blue said...

Hm. I guess the easiest way to get fellow media nerds reading you is to seek them out and be a comment whore.
Good content aside,I find that showing cleavage also helps attract attention - but I recognise this may not work for you ;-)

 
At Fri Jul 28, 12:09:00 pm, Blogger sorking said...

You clearly haven't seen my cleavage... ;-)

 
At Fri Jul 28, 01:22:00 pm, Blogger China Blue said...

I look forward to your contribution to HNT, then ;-)
*rubs thighs*

 
At Fri Jul 28, 06:32:00 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm NOT anonymous. You know me. And I know you know that you know who I am. Don't you? Yes. You do. Here's a hint!

That was the hint. Did you see it?! Damn. I did it again! Poop! OH! I keep DOING it! Aaarrrrgh!!
*faints from cluing*

Anyways here's all I wnated to say: "You said DUDE, dude!"
OK. I'm done. (Damn. That's anoth 'nother clue.)

 
At Sat Jul 29, 01:21:00 am, Blogger sorking said...

Hello, you beautiful diva, you.

Welcome, take a seat, stay a while. Partake of my website loving.

Christ I'm drunk tonight...

 

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